Of Rain and Romance

We’re still together!!!

hecallsmegirl — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:59:22 +0000

Ok ok i KNOW that I haven’t updated this blog in like ages. But we haven’t broken up okay!! We’re still together and closer than ever! Like paper and pen, like hydrogen atom and oxygen atom in water, like acid and alkali in neutralisation process, like sulphuric acid and water in acid rain, like- yea, you get the idea. As you can see, I’ve been SO hardworking, studying so much Chem recently.

Anyway, loads and loads to update man!! I don’t even know where to start.

My dad has been putting A LOT of pressure on me because of my trials. But unfortunately my results are not going to be any better. So I’ve been under plenty of stress, and it often overloads and spills on my poor bf. I tell you one thing la, I read so often about boyfriends complaining about their girlfriends on various forums, how they can’t take their temper, how they don’t understand the deal about PMS, how they cannot tahan their sensitivity. Well, to all you gals out there, I have like, THE BEST BF EVER because he is just so damn patient, he just listens to my complaints, my tantrums, even when I get angry at HIM for NOTHING cos I’m just in a cranky mood after getting pissed off by my dad, he’ll still take it all in. He’s SO understanding. Even when I apologize after some time, he’ll say it’s not my fault, and that he doesn’t blame me for it. To all you guys out there, you seriously should be thanking me for nabbing my bf first if not, other girls will be screaming and fighting for him till the rest of the male race will be left out. Seriously. How often can you find a guy, so willing to cook AND bake for his gf, and say ‘I’ll improve my cooking so that I can cook for you when we’re married in the future’. How many guys will say, ‘don’t worry, I’m the man, I’ll find a way to support our family next time, just hang on for me and wait for me’. Okay so maybe he isn’t P-E-R-F-E-C-T, but he sure is damn near that line.

I’m so proud and blessed to have him.

And, he also happens to be the strongest person I know personally. No not as in physically la (though he IS quite strong physically as well =p), but as in his character. He has been through so many ups and downs this year. So many changes, so many ways he must adapt to them. Just today, his bro left to overseas to further his studies, and it’s like another hurdle for him cos he has more burden to bear in dealing with domestic problems and all. But he’s so strong, he’s mature, he’s willing to try his best to make the best of the situation. I salute him.

My dear is everything to me. I lose him, I have nothing. He’s my present and my future. My hope and motivation. My strength and my happiness.

Babe, don’t ever give up k. You have me. I may not be able to be there right next to you, but you know I’m always close to your heart, as you are close to mine. I know you’ll get through all this changes dear, i know you will. We’ll do it together.

I love you.

Pain..

shecallsmeboy — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:07:04 +0000

Which hurts more.. Being ignored.. or being threatened to be ignored..? Sigh..

I hate David. Its all his fault. EVERYTHING!! FUCK HIM!!

hugs

shecallsmeboy — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:28:32 +0000

Its been tough lately for my babe.. Her trials are coming, and she’s been having it hard.. Something happened today too which was pretty bad from the way i sense it (cause she refuses to tell me). I really pray that her parents wont be hard on her.. Its so tough having to overcome the pressure to achieve good results, but her parents seem to think that constantly sounding her or giving her more pressure would be good.. Sigh..

I’m so proud of my babe.. For being who she is.. for handling so many things.. for going through such a difficult time which i would’ve cracked long ago.. I’ll always be by your side babe.. I’ve promised you remember . I’m still keeping that promise k.. I’ll go through this with you.. You dont worry about your boy.. Just do your best and get this over with.. Your boy is by your side.. Dont worry of troubling him or what not. You are no trouble to him.. Just if once in a while he cracks.. Dont be angry with him okay.. He’ll be alright one.. Nothing matters more to him than you.. As long as he has you.. everything is okay..

Stay strong girl.. Your boy is here for you.. Dont feel bad to trouble him.. Cause you are never a burden to him.. Never a trouble to him.. Because you are the girl i love.. the one and only girl.. And i love you very very much..

I LOVE YOU *hugs*

Life goes on..

hecallsmegirl — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 07:57:59 +0000

It’s been awhile since my last post..quite a lot has happened.

For one, I’m now officially 19 years old and thus, another year closer to being officially together with my boy. This year’s birthday has been quick, sweet, and expensive. Quick, because I hardly celebrated it with my family. No birthday dinner, no birthday cake, no birthday outing. Just presents from parents. So yea it just rather ended kinda abruptly. Sweet, because this is my first birthday which I celebrated with my bf and it was really wonderful. We had dinner together at this really romantic restaurant. He made me a handmade card which was really amazing cos I had no idea he would actually go through so much trouble of doing it (he had to redo it several times before the final product). He ALSO bought me a music CD, jason mraz’s new album, which i am SO NOT VERY PLEASED because I could have just downloaded everthing for free. Sigh I dont like it when he spends too much on me..feel very very bad seriously..sigh. But yea nevertheless..it was sweet of him.. Thanks dear..I really love your card and appreciate all your effort.. *muax* Another reason why it was sweet is because so many ppl who I would never expected to wish me, did. My pal from Australia even called me to wish me! I thought he would have forgotten. And many other ppl sent me bday msgs and even ppl whom I dont know wished me through a forum which I’m a member of. So yea it was touching Finally, expensive, because I have gotten the MOST expensive presents from both my parents. Yes, as in EACH of them gave me a present and each present was the most expensive I have ever recieved.

Second, I have graduated from being ‘technology deprived’ with my lousy phone to a MUCH sophisticated and MUCH high-tech phone. I feel like I’m suddenly more in touched with the world lol. This cool baby of mine has a 5mp camera and wifi and it’s a smart phone which means it has some pda functions. And that is like, so totally awesome!! I felt rather dumb using it for the first time though cos I was like, omg why are there so many functions and buttons. I actually read through the manual carefully to make sure I wont do anythin dumb to spoil it. And I’m so scared of scratching it because this model is very new so the cover for the phone is not out yet. So, I keep it in the phone pouch whenever I go out with it and even at home I always put it on top of the pouch so it doesnt touch any other surface. I’m determined to take good care of this baby of mine cos it’s going to last me throughout my uni life! =D

But there is a disadvantage to this, I’m afraid of msgin my boy with the new phone now cos it’s more advanced then my last phone, I have to keep deleting the sent items and make sure everthin from him in the inbox is cleared. And it’s harder to msg with the new phone cos of all the other features. In my old phone it’s much more straightforward. So..my boy bought me another sim card to msg him..which I’m now using in my old phone. I have to be more careful now..keep both my phones esp the old one which has the second sim..my parents would absolutely kill me if they found out. They would skin me alive and feed my skin to the fishes.

Thirdly, I’m now a month away from my exam trials. But I only know 25% of what I’m suppose to have studied. Which means, I am so going to be dead during my trials. SIGH. I feel like hanging myself sometimes. No joke. I’m really scared of what will happen if I dont do well. My new phone will probably get confiscated, I’ll be locked up at home to study. Totally grounded. I’ll be so damn stressed and pressured. I’ll just go insane. Sigh..If I dont have my boy to worry about I would have just given up and end it all ages ago.

Fourthly, this coming week is going to be HELL of a week. My boy is starting uni as his holidays is finally ending. Worried for him..he has to drive to and fro everyday to his uni and back..cos he is no longer renting a house nearby..so worried for his safety..and he’s going to be busy with his assignments..I’m worried he’ll have to stay up late working again..sigh. Hope he’ll be ok..it’s just another year then he can graduate..hope we last till then.. Also, this week I have alot of activities to take part in school. I’m joining a few competitions for english..and also there’s the class drama in conjuntion with english week..fortunately I dont have to act =p just narrating =D On another note, I have LOADS of work to do. Like, as much as the waters in the pacific ocean and as high as Mount Everest. LOL ok maybe not THAT much but seriously, it’s damn bloody alot.

Alot is going on in both me and my boy’s lives now..many changes..but one thing I know remains the same – our love for one another.

Tears..

hecallsmegirl — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:01:05 +0000

It has been quite a heart wrenching day.. Not only because I’ve had a rough day at school but also because my boy has been really stressed..whole day [not counting the morning cos he woke late, as usual..left me alone at school ] he’s been busy doing chores and running errands..

He came to pick me from tuition though..sweet of him..but he sounded not very happy in hs msgs when he was on the way to get me..sigh..wanted to tell him not to come cos it seemed so troublesome..but I really wanted to see him..

In the car I tried my best to sound happy. I told him about my friends’ reaction when they knew my bf was coming to pick me.. I usually carpool with a friend of mine so when i told him that i wasn’t following him back today, everyone knew my boy was coming instead, they were all like, ooh and ahh-ing away. And i asked my boy why he sounded frustrated in one of his msgs earlier, but he didn’t want to tell me. I felt worried..but when I jokingly sulked cos he didn’t want to tell me..he sulked along too and initially I thought he was just joking too..but no..it felt different. He seemed serious and he even said stuff like he had to rush to pick me..and even fought with his bro..i felt like I was so much burden to him. I nudge him a bit but he didn’t have much reaction..sigh. Heart like felt so pain. So i just sat there next to him, wishing I didn’t trouble him to come get me. Felt like crying, but I held the tears back and just closed my eyes.

Before he dropped me home, he parked his car near my place and asked for a hug. We hugged for some time. But it didn’t even feel real for some reason. Didn’t feel complete. He even still had his seatbelt on so it was more like a half-hug. Then the tears came. He was just next to me, but why do I feel so far from him?? So painful..sigh.. I think this is my first time actually crying on him.

He had to go somewhere so we didn’t have much time together.. I don’t like him ‘shooing’ me out of the car. I know it’s not on purpose, it’s not like he wants to get rid of me, but it feels like it. I hate not being able to have more time with him, whether it’s an extra hour, extra minute or a few more extra seconds.

The secret

hecallsmegirl — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:49:53 +0000

FINALLY I managed to hook up with the wireless! Argh took me so long. And by the time i made it online, he’s already about to sleep. Haiz……..

This whole week has been a terrible, horrible week. And of course it just HAD to end with a bang didn’t it, the weekend was suckier than ever. So many problems crashing on me. My dad is putting a lot of pressure on me as my finals is drawing nearer. Why can’t he just accept the fact that I’m naturally stupid and kick me out from school. It’s just too tough!! This is suppose to be one of the hardest exams in the freaking WORLD!! Why on earth am i doing this?? Now i have a tight timetable to follow everyday, with a study schedule, plus my tuitions, and now i have a private tutor coming to my house to give me extra chemistry lessons, not to forget that my dad wants to give me weekly math tests, and the tutor comes twice a week (once for lessons, once for giving me a test), and don’t miss out my ever growing mass of schoolwork. I’m just so afraid of the reality that I’m not going to do well in my finals. I can’t imagine the consequences. I’m so scared sometimes I feel like choking myself. Or jumping off a building (a guy fren of mine says it’s best to choose a very tall building so you don’t just end up with a broken arm or leg).

And to top off this ‘marvelous’ week, I’m STILL sick. Think all of the poor trees that has been sacrificed into tissues to hold all my disgusting mucus. I’ve been blowing my nose so much till it’s sore and sometimes it bleeds after all the blowing. Sigh.

I was so upset at my boy yesterday. And a bit on the day before that too. It’s not that i purposely want to be mad at him..I’m just in a very crappy mood and I always expect him to be there for me..and when he doesn’t, I just blow up. Yes, it sounds selfish. Perhaps I am. I’m just a selfish, self-absorbing, inconsiderate, b*tch who’s asking too much from my bf.

Sigh..but you know..it really does hurt when he isn’t here for me when I need him the most. You see, he’s the one i lean on when I’m going through difficult times..but all he do is tell me he’s very worried about me, he just keeps telling me that and honestly I don’t even believe him because they’re just a bunch of words. I dozed off that night while waiting for him to come back from an outing..and I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thing I did was to grab my phone next to me and read his msg, but nothing. Just one msg to let me know that the outing was over already. Nothing more. No ‘i miss you’s, no ‘hope ur ok’s, no reassurances from him, no ‘i love you’s, no ‘thinking of you’s, no kisses no hugs, no tucking me in, no ‘goodnight’, no nothing. I don’t even know if he’s in bed already or not. And after all that ‘I’m so worried for you’, i just felt he didn’t mean them at all. Yea, a bunch of words. Even I can go up to any Tom, Dick and Harry anywhere and tell them that without meaning them.

So..I felt hurt..I felt disappointed..I felt lonely..and I felt unloved. I know it may seem like such a small thing that he didnt msg me, but to me, it means alot. Because I don’t get to see him often. I don’t get to meet him and go for dates like other couples can. I don’t get to openly hug him and give him a peck on the cheek in front of people we know. I don’t get to call him whenever I’m thinking of him without making sure my parents are not at home. I don’t get to go over to his house just to visit him and his family. I don’t get to celebrate special occasions like Valentine’s Day, our birthdays, Christmas, together with him with the knowledge of others. Yes, there are so many things I wish i could do with him but I can’t, because our relationship has to be unknowned, it has to be a secret. Not that we both want it to be like this, but we’re forced to because of my parents. And so, because I don’t get to do normal ‘couple’ things with him, every msg from him counts. Every single one. Even if it’s just a msg to say he’s back from work, or a msg to let me know he’s about to go to bed. Every one of them is important cos it lets me know where he is, what’s he doing, how he is, and all those, help to make me feel just a bit closer to him since I can’t be with him physically. And that is why..I’m upset when I don’t hear from him..

All i want is to be close to him..and to imagine he’s near me through his msgs..and if there’s anything wrong with that..then I don’t know what’s right.

Sigh..

shecallsmeboy — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 16:47:41 +0000

Sigh.. My girl can’t come online, and i’m sad about that.. Stupid wireless internet at her place isn’t working. Curse that piece of device!

Sigh.. Anyway.. this morning’s stuff was all cleared up.. Sigh my girl is really going through a very very tough time.. and no thanks to me i made things worse.. She’s sick, her stomach is problematic, and her parents are giving her a tough time in the name of studies. What she’s going through, i believe not many humans can go through without going insane.. It’s mad..

Sigh.. I wish i could be of help to her.. I wish i could be of comfort to her.. But no.. everytime she face these problems.. I feel so helpless, so powerless.. Because everything is a secret, i can’t go to her place to cheer her up.. To hold those sad cheeks of hers and stroke it till she smiles.. To give her a peck on the lips.. and tell that everything will be fine.. To be something for her to hit.. so she can release her stress.. and to hug her tightly.. so she knows that i’m next to her…

Sigh.. hold on dear.. *holds dear’s hands..tightly..*

She’s mad at me..

shecallsmeboy — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 02:42:06 +0000

What’s wrong with me? Sigh.. I’ve made my girl mad at me.. I don’t know why.. but i think it’s because she’s real sick.. and last nite after i was back from an outing.. i messaged her and she was asleep.. so i did not ask how she was.. then i left my phone to charge and in silent mode.. so when she messaged.. i didn’t notice… Sigh.. Now she’s freaking mad at me and ignoring me and so cold towards me it cuts so deep.. I know i deserve it.. i deserve every bit of it… but it really hurts…nothing hurts more than when she is angry at me.. and when she ignores me… it cuts so deep i really feel it.. sigh…

Now i’m supposed to do house chores.. but i have no mood.. i dont have mood to do anything. i dont even have mood to eat or drink… i hope she forgives me soon… sigh… i can’t go through the day like this.. i feel like i’m breaking down.. i feel so worthless.. i feel like i dont deserve her.. i feel like i should hit myself cause the physical pain could distract me from the pain in my heart..

And then i asked her what was she doing.. because i really dont know what else to say… and she said.. ‘its none of your business’. The moment i read that i felt a twitch in my heart.. it hurt so badly… to hear the person you love so dearly say that.. its like.. she doesn’t want anything to do with me.. that i’m just some.. other person she knows.. i know its not true.. that she’s just mad.. but those words really hurt.. even as i write this i feel it throbbing in me.. ahh it hurts so bad…

dear im sorry…

Crazy week

shecallsmeboy — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:48:56 +0000

Just when i thought this week was going to be mundane, then bam!!! the whole week was tossed upside down. Everything started to go wrong =(.

First, my babe fell sick =(. She got a terrible bout of flu, and its really hard on her. Oh my poor babe.. If only i could go and care for her while she is sick.. alas.. I hope she gets well soon.. Get well soon ok babe! Plenty of rest!! Thats better than lots of medicine but little rest!

Secondly, my stupid game console crashed on me. Now i have to go through the hard task of getting it fixed and all. I expected it to happen somehow, but not so fast! I just got it like a 2 months ago =(.

Thirdly, the license key for a software i purchased recently legitimately was blocked by the server and now i am unable to use it . It cost me about USD10 for it! It might not be much, but i’m not a rich kid ya know =(.
Ah well, i still have my babe dont i? So it ain’t all that bad =). Its just she’s sick =( and that is worse than me getting sick =(. Faster get well soon babe!

*muaks!*

Who says animals are not cute?

hecallsmegirl — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 09:54:45 +0000

I’m not very good at telling jokes..so hopefully the following pictures will put a smile on your face

]

And last but not least.. a personal favourite dedicated to my one and only boy with the message:

“Hey dear, guess what? Look, you’re not alone =p “