It has been quite a heart wrenching day.. Not only because I’ve had a rough day at school but also because my boy has been really stressed..whole day [not counting the morning cos he woke late, as usual..left me alone at school ] he’s been busy doing chores and running errands..

He came to pick me from tuition though..sweet of him..but he sounded not very happy in hs msgs when he was on the way to get me..sigh..wanted to tell him not to come cos it seemed so troublesome..but I really wanted to see him..

In the car I tried my best to sound happy. I told him about my friends’ reaction when they knew my bf was coming to pick me.. I usually carpool with a friend of mine so when i told him that i wasn’t following him back today, everyone knew my boy was coming instead, they were all like, ooh and ahh-ing away. And i asked my boy why he sounded frustrated in one of his msgs earlier, but he didn’t want to tell me. I felt worried..but when I jokingly sulked cos he didn’t want to tell me..he sulked along too and initially I thought he was just joking too..but no..it felt different. He seemed serious and he even said stuff like he had to rush to pick me..and even fought with his bro..i felt like I was so much burden to him. I nudge him a bit but he didn’t have much reaction..sigh. Heart like felt so pain. So i just sat there next to him, wishing I didn’t trouble him to come get me. Felt like crying, but I held the tears back and just closed my eyes.

Before he dropped me home, he parked his car near my place and asked for a hug. We hugged for some time. But it didn’t even feel real for some reason. Didn’t feel complete. He even still had his seatbelt on so it was more like a half-hug. Then the tears came. He was just next to me, but why do I feel so far from him?? So painful..sigh.. I think this is my first time actually crying on him.

He had to go somewhere so we didn’t have much time together.. I don’t like him ’shooing’ me out of the car. I know it’s not on purpose, it’s not like he wants to get rid of me, but it feels like it. I hate not being able to have more time with him, whether it’s an extra hour, extra minute or a few more extra seconds.